Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Silent Hoo

Holy crap you guys...

So I should be in bed (I get up at 3am these days) but if I don't write this now I probably never will, so here it goes.

I drove up last night for an impromptu visit with the Canadian and it was awesome and fun and totally worth the hour wait at the border on New Years Eve. The visit itself was for less than 24hrs and I had to work for a good 10 of it but he's one of my closest friends and the only guy I've dated who's ever vowed to carry me through the zombie apocalypse if it ever came to it so even if we'd just had an hour, I still would have done it.

Anyway... So I was up in Canada land and heading out around 6pm, well fed but in need of coffee, and that's when an entire flock of clouds decided to take a freaking nap on the entire area.

Fog. Was. Everywhere.

I'm talking Silent Hill here, people.

Also? My GPS decided to be a dick and just couldn't find the servers, even when connected to wifi.

But I have to work tomorrow followed by a meeting AND I'm doing a salon review right after that--so staying another night was sadly out of the question.

Thankfully, I'd driven it enough times that I was fairly certain I knew where I was going and the Canadian (Who really should be named but I don't know how comfortable he is with me naming him in a public blog so to respect his privacy I'll just call him Hugh Jackman from now on.) showed me the route to get to the nearest Tim Horton's drive through off highway 99.

After helping me scrape frost off my windows and headlights, Hugh Jackman and I said our goodbyes and I vanished into what must have looked like a only partially rendered game world.


I didn't get lost but fog always makes me second guess where I'm going. I wanted to stay extra concentrated so I turned my music off so I wouldn't go into an auto-pilot induced state because I was too distracted belting out show tunes.

It's been known to happen.

So as I'm making my way to highway 99 (which if you aren't familiar with the Vancouver, BC area, it's the highway most often used to get back to the USA border to Seattle) I get to this bridge near the Ladner Trunk Road turn off.

I know it was this turn off because I initially turned right, thinking it was the on ramp for 99 south because NOTHING LOOKS THE SAME IN FOG.

This mistake is crucial because if I hadn't made it, what happened next would have happened to somebody else.

The bridge/overpass thingy is currently undergoing construction of some kind and I'm always wary of going under construction sites because who knows what was left just sitting on the edge or whatever.

I realize this is probably an irrational paranoia.

Except tonight it totally wasn't... for all the wrong reasons.

So I turn back onto the road, wary of impending sirens or the appearance of Pyramid Head and as I'm about to go under this bridge, I see something fall (but by the trajectory, I almost think it was tossed) over the side. I tried to swerve so it didn't hit my car, but of course it landed right on my hood/windshield because I'm not James Bond.

That something? Was a dead. Snowy. Owl.
At least, I was pretty sure it was an owl? It was fluffy and white and didn't seem to have a neck and one wing stuck straight up in this disturbing rigor mortis kind of way and it had those dark stripes you see in pictures?

(PS, just looked up Snowy owls and discovered those stripes likely mean it was female and/or pretty young.  Now I'm depressed...)

And then it fell off my car and onto the road and I had no idea what to do so I made my way to the Tim Hortons' Hugh Jackman had indicated and pretty much swallowed an entire medium French Vanilla in one go because it occurred to me it may have been a sleep-deprived hallucination sent to wake me up so I could drive safely home.

Considering it had made me scream like that girl who gets stabbed in the shower in that movie with the psycho (take your pick of which one I mean), I'd say it did the trick.

Oddly the caffeine helped calm my nerves.

I got across the border and was oddly relieved there were no wildlife hit and run questions because I'm not sure if they can detain you if a dead bird hits your car but I didn't want to take that risk.

By then the fog was gone until I had to pull over at a rest stop... because I'd downed an entire coffee in one gulp. This is the last thing I ever want to do on night road trips but when you gotta go, you gotta go, you know? And somehow then the fog came back. For that one rest stop. I shit you not. No pun intended.

High way rest stops always make nervous because they seem like the perfect setting for Freddy Kruger to kill and rape you... and yes in that order because those places are THAT sketchy.

So I texted the whole owl story to Hugh Jackman while I was there because he'd know that if I stopped texting mid-story that I'd been attacked and he could call the police... Or the X-men.

He confirmed that yes, there were a lot of owls in that area and asked if I was okay.

And I was. To be honest, the trauma of having a dead owl take a nosedive on your car is quickly over written by the "What the fuck" factor.

And I checked Serenity (my car) while I was stopped and she also seemed okay--which is a relief because I have no idea how I'd explain possible owl suicide to my insurance company.

1 comment:

  1. I've been reading your blog and I love each post more than the next. I'm so glad you write.

    And I dated a guy in Vancouver, too. Good times. I loved the late-night road trips... ;)