Dear (Straight) Men of the Modern World,
We need to have a talk.
Calm down, I realize that sentence is pretty loaded and usually means some seriously uncomfortable conversation but take deep breaths, you aren't in trouble, I promise. I just feel that as we get to know each other more, I should make a few things clear.
Society has this funny way of mucking up our heads and expectations and I wanted to lend you a hand with some of that because I'd like to co-exist with you fairly peacefully and maybe even settle down with one of you and get a puppy or something.
So hear me out, I come in peace.
1. I'm a very face-value person. "No" does not mean "try harder". When you ignore a sincere request, it tells me you're disrespectful of my wishes, even when that request is, "Please let me pay for my own food." You may feel like you're being generous, but it feels extremely patronizing to be on the receiving end.
2. When I say, "I want to just be friends," this is not intended to be an insult. I respect you, I want you to have what's best for you--including someone whose heart does all those flip-flops or whatever when you walk by. I can't control if I feel that or not, but I can control how honest I am about what I'm feeling.
3. Please stop using the phrase "friend-zone". Being my friend is an extremely special thing. I hold my friends in a very high regard. If you want to treat it like I've demoted you to being a second-class citizen because I don't want to sleep with you, we should not be friends. There is the door. Please move through it.
4. Being a feminist means I want us to be both treated like human beings, it does not mean that I bear ill-feelings toward you. You don't have to walk around eggshells around me. I don't bite. ...unless you're into that. Or if you steal my food without asking.
5. Regardless of possible age-gap, do not talk to me like you're my father. Ever. I have two parents that did a fine job of raising me.
6. Monogamy is not a kind of wood.
7. Compliments, as long as they are sincere, are awesome and encouraged. Yes, I am a confident woman who knows when I look good--that doesn't mean I don't want to hear you verbally confirm it.
8. If you want out of a relationship, tell me. Yes, it sucks when one person is still into another but they aren't feeling it, but you aren't 'protecting' anyone by pretending. And you aren't as good at pretending as you seem to flatter yourself to be.
9. Contrary to societal belief, not all women are looking for 'the one' every time. One make-out session does not a relationship make. Until we have talked about it, I am going to assume there was no commitment there.
10. My male friends should not all need to be gay for you to not feel threatened. Just because a man likes vagina generally does not mean he wants mine specifically. Chill out. If you're that paranoid, we may need to talk about how you feel towards your straight female friends as you may be projecting your feelings onto me. Additionally, please respect that even if someone thinks of themselves as your competition for my affections, remember that I decide if they're competition, not either of you.
These are just a few talking points that I feel were important to get out in the open. I really appreciate that we were able to talk about this. Thanks for listening and continue to be awesome.
A woman of the modern world.