Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot Like Me?

Oi...

See what this subject made me do? I just quoted the Pussycat Dolls.

I feel dirty.

Anyway, I said I was going to address something similar to yesterday's issue that I tend to hear from women--admittedly I don't think I've heard this from someone I knew well since college, so you have to give some allowance for growth and maturity there but... I do hear it perpetuated in media and occasionally when eavesdropping...

Don't judge me, if you're talking loudly in a public place, I'm gonna listen. It's the writer in me.

The funny thing about this particular phrase, is I think it's frighteningly telling about where our culture sits right now.

"I don't get why he's into her. I'm way hotter than she is."

Not.

Even.

Joking.

I have heard multiple iterations of that phrase but the sentiment is always the same: Why does the person I like not like me when I see myself as more physically desirable than their current partner.

Kids, my brain just breaks at this, I gotta tell you. I hope this thought process isn't too rampant but it does get me worrying. Because you then see these same women thinking that their physical attractiveness is in direct relation to their relationship status.

And they go kinda freaking crazy.

Do I need to reiterate that just because one person isn't attracted to you that doesn't mean you aren't an attractive person? Or that beauty is more than skin deep?

Okay. Talking about this seems odd because in general I feel this should be common knowledge but we live in weird times and our heads get screwed on funny and these cliche adages somehow lose all meaning. Most cliches exist for a reason.

And I see these girls agonize over themselves, over their hair and face, determined that once they're finally in a relationship, they'll be whole--that it will validate they are beautiful and worthy of love and that's absolutely ridiculous.

I know it boils down to the core of body issues so really there isn't anything I can tell you to convince you that you're beautiful, especially since I'm speaking to a very generic audience...

But I want you to know that I get it. I really do. I've been that weird girl on the side-lines with nothing but self-loathing and loneliness, if I'm allowed to use that emo of phrasing.

I do get it.

And I can't lend you the road map I used to get past it. I wish I could but I'm not even sure how I got out. I can't give you a of step-by-step guide that will let you get out of that mental sink pit. You have to do that on your own. But you know something?

You can.

And honestly, you have to. Because if you can't be satisfied with who you are on your own, you will never be happy in a relationship. That kind of void someone else can't fill. And you can't put that kind of pressure on them to fix you because that in itself is going to end in disaster. Really expecting that someone else is going to fix you isn't specific to this issue, but it's important that you don't make a relationship or someone's affections a means of validating your existence.

You're already valid. The only person who doesn't think so is you.

And the worst part is if you don't think it... eventually that opinion will catch on.

You're better than that. Realize that your looks are stunning, realize there's more desirable to you than your looks and realize anyone who thinks otherwise about you isn't worth your time.

1 comment:

  1. Great read and have many thoughts on it. Had to wait till I was off work. It has less to do with looks and more to do with chemistry, things in common, etc. Also how they treat you. I've seen a few relationships where it was all based on looks, and one treated the other very poorly. Just so he could say, yeah I dated that hot girl. I would rather be with someone I actually like being around. Passion, Intelligence, good sense of humor are much more attractive to me.

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