Thursday, April 25, 2013

Douchebags Will Be Douchebags

I'm a people person.

Shocker, I know, right?

But my general point is that I will always make a friend when I can and I almost never burn a bridge. I have my mother to thank for this cheery disposition and I frankly prefer leaving myself open to the occasional burn than close off.

It's a risky move, but it's still my preferred MO.

Yet despite this genuine, "Why can't we all be friends" (Oh gosh, I'm a care bear  aren't I?) kind of attitude, I of course, run into backlash that comes from seemingly no where.

This is regrettably normal.

You encounter people that, despite your best efforts to befriend them, despite how compassionate, kind or generous you try to be, they hate you. Passionately.

And they go out of their way to hurt you--even if you just met them on the street. And you will spend days and days over-thinking how you wronged this person, how you could have possibly slighted them to make them despise you so much. You lose sleep over it. Because as a responsible adult you try to take responsibility for your actions and you think that you must have done SOMETHING because there's no other rational reason for this person to be lobbing so much haterade in your direction.

So I wanted to try to bring you a little comfort in sharing something it took me yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaars to finally realize.

Sometimes, it isn't rational.

Sometimes douchebags will just be douchebags.

And sometimes it isn't even about that person being a douchebag--sometimes someone just needs something to hate. I'm not saying it's right or that it's excusable behavior, but I do want you to understand that sometimes it isn't about you at all.

Now by all means, do some soul searching when someone throws this kind of anger towards you--make sure it's not warranted... But once you get past that point, please, don't still beat yourself up about it.

I knew a girl in high school who when I finally asked her why she hated me so much, she actually answered with, "You're just so happy all the time, you seem really immature."

...She hated me... because I was happy? I'm not really sure when happiness started equating with immaturity but I suppose that's not the point. It's a little ironic that what she didn't know is when not at school I was an absolute wreck and smiling just helped me get through the school day sometimes, but that's really not the point either.

Maybe she sensed I was playing "fake it til you make it", but again, not a reason to hate someone.

But... it wasn't really about me. I bet if I was able to sift through the details of her life, I'd find something else completely. Something my cheerfulness may have reminded her of.

Which when you think of backstory and motivation, it's hard to think of someone as a douchebag, I think. Don't get me wrong, there are some really douchey things people have done to me and for really douchey reasons but...

I don't know, I feel just lobbing them into a category like that is unfair. There's a bigger story there we just don't know...

But regardless, it isn't your responsibility to dig it out. You aren't someone's therapist (unless you actually are, but if that's the case, I hope you're getting paid to dig all of that out).

So while self-awareness is awesome, know that there are times where you can't do anything about it and that's okay. Sometimes it's not about you. Sometimes someone is going to hate you because that's how they're coping with something else. And it's not healthy, neither is torturing yourself over something you literally have no control over.

You're awesome, you know that? Just... awesome. I'm glad I know you.

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