Thursday, April 4, 2013

Suga--AAAAAAAH mother &#$%er!

So yesterday I tried sugaring for the first time. Now, that may sound delicious, but let me explain what it is. Or rather, let me site a Wikipedia article that will explain what it is.

Sugaring is a method of hair removal. Like waxing, there is still some risk of sensitivity or irritation but since it attaches only to the hair and not skin itself (like waxing does) it's a lot less likely or severe. The sugaring substance itself is essentially sugar, lemon and water that's been heated up until it liquefies ( a nice golden color, not burned) and then cooled until it's about  room temperature where it becomes a sticky, taffy-like substance. Then it's applied in the opposite direction of hair growth and pulled off.

Some of you just winced, huh?

Well... let's look at the other options.

Waxing: Hot wax applied to the skin (sometimes this burns), a strip is placed over it and then it's all ripped off. Through this method I have had a layer of skin ripped off a few times AND the mineral oil they use to soothe the skin tends to make me an acne farm. Joy.

Threading: A thick cotton thread is crossed and twisted so it can pluck entire lines of hair rather than if you tweezed  and had to do it individually. For a while this was my preferred method for eyebrows because while a bit more painful, it didn't have the aftermath of waxing. It did pinch the skin now and then though--and a friend of mine has even got mini cuts from this method. With waxing, I worked up a tolerance if I kept regular appointments. With threading, it always hurt like the first time.

Admittedly, my eyebrows had worked up a tolerance when it comes to plucking etc but with sugaring? Wow. I gotta admit, I barely felt anything. I would definitely go back.


I had also scheduled my first bikini wax for this because it was recommended as the least painful way to go about it. The painless eyebrow clean up lulled me into a false sense of security and I fearlessly let myself relax, expecting discomfort but nothing I couldn't handle.

Ho-ly fuck weasels, guys.

I just... I would be lying and doing you a great disservice if I didn't say this hurt. I was shouting profanity like I was auditioning for Jersey Shore. Imagine someone taking a big wad of chewing gum and sticking it in your hair and then yanking it out... except ten times worse because it's on a part of you that has far more nerve endings.

"Do you want me to count down when I do it?"

I didn't cry. This wasn't a life-scaring-holy-crap-never-going-back kind of incident, maybe I'm a masochist but I'm planning on going back in 4 weeks to keep up maintenance.

I hear if you keep up with it, the hair gets sparser/thinner and as a result isn't quite so painful the more you do it... but wow.

Though, thus far, though the skin is a little unhappy with me, no red bumps (which shaving always gave me) so thus far I'm happy. We'll see if this is the case as  this continues.

But for now? I trooped through that. I'd say 'like a badass' but despite that I didn't cry, I was trying to keep on a conversation that kept being interrupted with Tourette style outbursts.
"So what do you do?"
 "I'm a wri---fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, dear god, why?" 


  1. Those pesky fuck-weasels?
    You really want to watch out for them. Seems to me if you spot them earlier you could spare yourself a variety of unpleasant experiences.

  2. If you do keep up with it, it does get easier. At least it does with waxing. I have not done the sugaring bit. You might want a countdown next time so you can exhale on the removal : )

  3. Yeah, lol. The things we dooooooo to ourselves! But much better than shaving in the long run. :D