Monday, May 6, 2013

My Bizarre "Loyalty" to Starbucks

I live in Seattle.

I am SURROUNDED by coffee snobs.

Most of my friends are coffee snobs.

...I'm even a little bit of a coffee snob.

So why, you may be asking yourself, do I still continue to give my patronage to Starbucks?

The answer really boils down to something very simple: I know what I'm getting. See, back in the day (and by that I mean not so far back in the summer of 2008 when I needed a job between my junior and senior year of college) I worked at Starbucks. Now let me stop you--this is not me getting sentimental for a company that used to pay me tuppence a day in exchange for being treated as subhuman by the majority of customers who filed in per day.

...Side note, don't piss off people who prepare anything you're going to consume. Just. Saying.

Anyway, my point is during that time I was shown how to create every hand-crafted drink. Don't get me wrong, their drip coffee is terrible and really shouldn't be trusted anywhere near your taste buds.

However their lattes/mochas etc have some potential. Because once you know the basic formula of something, you can mess with it.

For instance, I know that Starbucks (for some unknown reason) makes their chai with half-water/half milk. ...I don't get it either. However, if you order it without water and extra foam, the result is a sweet cinnamon caffeinated drink of joy and wonder.

...I may have a chai obsession, what of it?

On top of knowing how to alter a drink to make it palatable to my tastes, I know without fail what I'm getting and that I can likely get it anywhere I go.

Let's be honest, we've all been to that hotel that offers some kind of sludge that vaguely resembles the villain from Fern Gully as a wake-up beverage. And while some people are very content with this kind of chemical warfare as a part of their breakfast, I'm really not a fan. But almost without fail, I can depend that within at least 10 miles of my location, I will find that mermaid of possibly questionable morals spreading her tails (ouch?) cheerfully to greet me to the land of caffeine.

So when I suggest Starbucks, don't turn your nose up at me, fellow addict. Sometimes I don't wanna scour the city for that perfectly roasted bean. Sometimes I just want something dependable, quick and easy.

...that sounded dirty.

Whatever, I don't care, I'm tired and need a chai.

1 comment:

  1. I do enjoy your rambles Kiri, and you use of strange examples and metaphors is greatly entertaining :)