Monday, June 24, 2013

A very weird weekend

Weird isn't the right word.

Near the end of May I spoke about a friend who went missing and linked an article about information of where he'd been last seen, that he'd emptied his phone, deleted his social media and his gamertag...

I knew what that meant. My brother did nearly the exact same thing.

So when I heard they'd found his body on Friday evening, I can't say I was shocked but it did...

You want to be wrong about those things. No matter how unlikely it seems, you always want to be wrong.

It stirred up things I still haven't dealt with regarding my brother's death and a few new things as well and rather than dealing with it head on, I decided to just... not.

I know, that must sound like the healthiest thing, but sometimes you need to postpone dealing with something.

So I buried myself in everything else. I filmed two episodes of Wit & Whimsy for this week and next--I obsessed over work and campaigning my submission for Geek and Sundry because focusing on that seemed a lot better than dealing with the rest of what was going on in my head.

Of course I will have to deal with it.

And it's stupidly lucky I'd planned a trip to visit my parents this coming weekend because I can't imagine a better place to just let myself feel whatever I'm feeling there.

I'm not sure if that kind of control is normal... but I've always had to compartmentalize, so it's been normal for me.

How do you deal with tragedy?


  1. When my grandfather died, everything was a mess. We were all convinced that he knew about the cancer long before he was hospitalized for it and we knew that he had avoided telling us to save us months of worrying. My grandmother, who had married him at twenty years old and had him there every day of her life for sixty-two years, was a wreck and between the grief and her dementia, up agains my stubborn french New-Englander mother and aunt, there was a lot of conflict. While we were ironing clothes and arranging a photo collage for the service, it wasn't so bad. At night when I had to be alone with my thoughts, it wasn't so easy.

    Our first instinct is to keep busy so that we don't have to think about it and feel it, and that's initially healthy. Studies have found that steeping ourselves in grief and memory when these things are fresh only reinforces all of the negative in our memories. If you need to keep yourself working to keep your mind occupied for a few days, then that's exactly what you should be doing. Just don't forget to look back when it's not so fresh and experience those emotions, because they are valuable.

  2. I have always had to deal with situations like this calmly and logically. Not always because I want to, but because I have to. These kinds of situations have always left me as the person looks to for support and leadership. So, I accept the role, deal with the situation at hand, and then when its all over, I find a private spot where I can be alone, and I grieve.

  3. It's been almost six months, how do I deal? I visit the graveside often, sometimes weekly. I am keeping a journal on my thoughts of Joel, and one very important thing, is when the tears come, I let them come! It's normal, it's natural, and it's healing! On the night he died, after the initial shock, we were all given a blessing, and from that I felt peace. He is safe, he is without pain, and he is not alone! Hey, he has Grandma Perrin to deal me. I have lost a son, a mother should never have to have a child die before her, but I am learning to cope, and through that I am also growing. Come home this weekend, we will cry together, we can visit the graveside if you want,...and then we will go out to eat together or something! Joel is happy now! In time we will be happy too!
    I love you! mom