Monday, September 16, 2013

Coffee is an excellent substitute for sleep, right?

So I've been very bad in terms of updating--both this blog and my personal vlogs and I've already apologized for that but as that theme is continuing this week, I wanted to at least keep you updated.

I take on too much at once--you have probably noticed this by now, yes?

It's something I'm working on.

No, really.

So I've been editing the audio I recorded for Blake Northcott's book, Arena Mode (if you haven't checked it out yet, it's on Amazon) and this has eaten up pretty much any semblance of spare time I've had--which if you know my work schedule wasn't much to begin with. I've been making sure to hit my Geek & Sundry deadlines so I haven't fallen entirely behind--and I did manage to get Alys out.

Speaking of Alys, if you haven't had Customer service manually push the update out to you, you will want to do that to get the correct draft. AND, additionally, if you can't make it to Rose City Comic Con (where I will have posters and 10 signed copies of Alys) you can buy the print version of Alys on Amazon. More on that later.

I'm a bit scattered--bear with me.

What was I talking about? Right, taking on too much. So I worked pretty much all weekend with the exception of celebrating the wedding of two friends of mine who are amazing and wonderful and just...

Guys, nerd weddings rock, okay? Can we just admit that?

It was all about having fun and actually celebrating the event. None of this stiff, "well this is proper" crap. The wedding party wore converse, I drafted my first Magic deck, Tara (the Geeky Hostess) made some of the most delicious cupcakes I have ever tasted--oh and we made a flipbook of Hamlet in 7 seconds. It was awesome. And a well-needed break from... well, my life.

----Serious Pie Warning----

I don't think I mentioned this--I was pretty quiet in general last week--but I do know I have mentioned before that my mother deals with a history of seizures. She's had them since I was a kid but until recently, the medication had kept them at bay. They don't know what causes them--they ruled out the benign brain tumor after her last couple CAT scans... They can't prove it isn't just her not taking enough medication so they keep upping the dosage. She had another one. While driving. She's fine--no one was hurt--but who knows about the car. She at least won't be driving for another 6 months... I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't absolutely terrified about what could have happened--or what may happen in the future if they don't figure out what's wrong.

Last week was also Suicide Prevention Week--and I wanted to write something--I started writing something--but every time I got a paragraph in, I just had to stop. I don't know if I was just emotionally beat but I couldn't bring myself to write anything substantial about the subject or my brother. I even thought about talking about the theme of suicide in Alys as a way to filter through some of the more intense feelings but it just felt too much like promoting the book rather than awareness.

It's stupid, because you think this far later it wouldn't feel so fresh... but it's September and I'm remembering what getting ready to go back to school was like--and Halloween is just on the horizon and I know that will not be an easy holiday to do without him. We were both suckers for costumes. And then of course once that's over we'll rush into Thanksgiving and Christmas... which I can't even fathom how different they will be this year. My throat gets tight just thinking about it. And then barely after Christmas, we'll be celebrating what would have been his 29th birthday. And then shortly after the first anniversary of his death. Time's a bitch. It's overwhelming.

----End of Serious Pie---

Honestly, I think that's why I end up taking on so much. I'm sleep deprived and stressed but I barely have a moment to spare on thinking about the bad things going on that I can't control. It's not a particularly healthy defense mechanism, I suppose...

But it's productive? And I definitely prefer it to the impulse of curling up in a ball and crying.

Crying sucks.

Well, no, sometimes it feels really good to just get things out. But when so many things can push that button? It just makes you feel crazy and unstable.

So I'm working on finishing up the MANY side projects I took on all at once so I can focus more on a less stressful way to deal with the chaos around me. Like... spending time with friends--weird, right?

I don't know--this weekend was very eye opening to me in just needing to make more time to just socialize and hang out with people I love--or to meet new amazing people.

All work and no play... makes you a freaking crazy person.

...but on the subject of me working too much--I will be at Rose City Comic Con this weekend with my amazing friend Ren Cummins. He is wonderful and awesome and one of my favorite people in the world. Also we never get to hang out lately so this will be fantastic.

I'll be chilling at his booth (J-01 in Artist Alley, Talaria Press) selling copies of Alys and posters (and I believe our Peter Pan Anthology). Alys posters (11x17) are free if you buy one of the hard copies (or if you can show me you already bought a print copy off of Amazon) OR by donation of $1 or more. Sadly printing things is pricey and I can always use a little bit more toward my student loans.

I really hope to see you, come by, get hugs (can always use hugs), tell your friends to do the same.

I will try to update between now and then but hoping to get this audio done before the weekend so I don't have to edit at my table. XD

4 comments:

  1. I also wanted to post something during Suicide Prevention Week, but I too had difficulty expressing what I felt I wanted to say.
    And truth be told, I am not really any closer to articulating those thoughts now as I was then. But what I do know is that you are right about wanting to think about anything else, and distract yourself in any way you can, even to the point of barely/not sleeping - and that only makes it worse when you inevitably crash.
    I really hope you can find your way - I'm still working on mine. But you're a little bit awesome and I have no doubt you'll be better at it than me anyway.

    On a less Serious Pie note, I hope you get lots of interest and hugs at RCCC, and I would provide both were it not a teeny-tiny bit too far away for a leisurely jaunt.
    Ah yes, and good luck with the audiobook for Blake. I look forward to hearing the end result. :)

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  2. Okay, first of all...I want a poster! You know I will buy the book, but I also want it autographed! Second, I am fine and if your dad has any say so I will never drive again...however, I get my stubbornness from my daughter, so if I can prove after 6 months to a year that I am not having seizures anymore I might try to drive a little...but there has to be proof of no seizures and we know how good that has been the last few years! As you mentioned, the hard holidays are coming. I miss Joel everyday, but mostly when I watch a movie he would have liked, or I see something on Batman or even Ninja Turtles which takes us way back! We'll get through the next 5 months together as a family with friends and each other to offer support, hugs and prayers!
    For the other subject of Suicide prevention day, this is what Alex, Joel's best friend posted and I thought it was good enough for all of us. Just a little serious Pie!
    "Today is world suicide prevention day. One of my best friends committed suicide early this year, and Spokane has lost a large figure last week to suicide. The suicide rate in the United States has increased over the last decade, and is a deep running and extremely traumatic problem. It almost always comes as a surprise, and I still hold guilt for not knowing exactly what my friend was going through. That's why it's important for everyone to know what to look for. Here are some signs:

    -Always talking or thinking about death
    -Clinical depression -- deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating -- that gets worse
    -Having a "death wish," tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death, such as driving fast or running red lights
    -Losing interest in things one used to care about
    -Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless
    -Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, changing a will
    -Saying things like "it would be better if I wasn't here" or "I want out"
    -Sudden, unexpected switch from being very sad to being very calm or appearing to be happy
    -Talking about suicide or killing one's self
    -Visiting or calling people to say goodbye

    Do not shrug it off as something "they would never do". Trust me, everyone has a breaking point, and even the most seemingly stable people are capable of doing it. Depression is a serious disorder, and it's not always possible to "walk it off". It's a chemical imbalance that tells you that you are worthless and makes you feel an immeasurable amount of pain no matter how "good" your life is. If you see someone struggling, help them. Be empathetic. If you need help, please talk to me or anyone you feel comfortable with. I love you all. Stay weird, friends.

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  3. With respect to the Serious Pie, I don't know anything about your brother than what you've said on this blog in the last few months, but I'd be willing to bet if he was still here, he'd be proud of what you've accomplished in the last year alone, Kiri. And to Kiri's mom above, look at what you've helped create! You're not the only one who wants a signed poster and book :-) Though you might have priority over the rest of us... For whatever it's worth from one random Internet stranger, you be careful out there!

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